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A Restless Mind

a restless mind

This story is by Josef at josefboutte-art-blog. Josef is a creative, young man with a strong ambition to fulfill his life’s dreams. He is a rather intriguing folk because he has his own style and method to achieving his dreams. Living for the moment is also a vital ingredient of his happiness. I will hand the mic over to Josef as he speaks with me about his journey of marriage, love, and the restlessness of a dreamer.

Josef: I spend a lot of time thinking about the nature of the universe and what it means to be a human being. I think about whether my mind will always be consumed with all the great mysteries of reality, and for eternity? I’m frightened by how deep that the well of sadness goes. I’m a happy person, usually. I’m quick to love. This woman in particular was my first love, and I was swayed by emotions for this raven-haired shy girl who was into Art and Photography. I liked both of these things too. She was also into Punk Rock, and wanted to be loved just as ceaselessly as I did. The tragedy of us was that she thought the idea of getting married was the finishing line of life. I thought it was just the beginning. Deep down inside of me, there is nothing I hate more than feeling like I’m somebody or something’s ‘property’.

I have always been a strong-willed and driven person and in that respect I have always looked at life as a grand adventure. This would probably explain why I’ve done certain things in my life, such as moving around as much as I have from the Bay Area of Northern California to Los Angeles, Las Vegas and then eventually joining the military. Ultimately, I’m some kind of dreamy and romantic person who is looking for love and reason while knowing they are both overrated.

In one word, how would you describe yourself?

Restless

If a room in the house was described as ‘restless’, what would this room look like?

A restless room that comes to my mind is when I think about it as a room with elegance. It contains contemporary furniture that is old and worn down. There’s a dark leather sofa with cracks and sun damage; there is water damage on the walls, the wallpapers are peeling off, and there are leaky roofs. There are busted pipes that let out a very particular shriek, which you can feel to your bones. It’s a room that used to be a home and now lies in ruins. It’s a monument that illustrates immense regret.

What do you like least about this room and the most about it?

The thing I like least about this room is the loneliness. The thing I like most about it is the character and the grit of the room. In this room’s long life, it acquired wisdom of an equivalence of many lifetimes. It speaks a thousand words of a human life that is outwardly defined from the starting point of birth to the ceasing point of death, but between both events, he or she has died and came alive so many times. This room is watching life coming and going, and is the silent watcher of every detail of their lives. This room has a fleeting sadness that I resonate with.

What advice would you give to others about relationships and marriage based on your personal experience of marriage and divorce?

If you want to spend your life with your lover, you have to understand each other’s dreams and both of you have to want the same things in the grand scheme of things. I know this isn’t always going to happen and we are our own person who wants different things. But as long as you respect that your lover has dreams, you will know how important it is for them, but you have to also expect them to understand your own dreams are important for you too. You have to meet in one place in the grand scheme of things. I would advise people to be kind and patient, but be firm when you have to be, and make your partner feel like you care about them with your words and actions. If you are willing to do that for your partner, then they are likely to be the one for you. If you are not willing to do that, both of you need to reassess whether one or both are even right for each other. I have to also add that in a relationship, intimacy is important. Different people share intimacies to various degrees. If sex is valued by partners, then share that intimacy. But there are many ways people share intimacy, whether mentally, emotionally or physically.

You had once described to me about having the inability to say “no” as both a strength and a weakness. Could you give me examples of this?

I have an insatiable thirst for adventure and spontaneity. Generally, I come across as quite a mild guy and this is true about me on the surface. But deep down, I’m a wild child. I’m a bat-out-of-hell person. I will roll with the punches but I will also chew a bubblegum rebelliously and not be influenced easily, and I will do it in the most pleasant way possible. This is a double-edged sword because sometimes it gets me into trouble. I have always had a strong passion to actualize my life dreams, while having fun and celebrating the moment. So there isn’t much I will say ‘no’ to, and while it takes me to places, it also gets me into trouble.

Thank you for sharing a part of your narrative with us.

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